Dang it! I have so many drafts about other musings, but here I am hitting a trauma wall that I didn’t know existed. There was some confusion about whether I needed a colonoscopy this year, so it didn’t happen in October. Lucky me gets to have my colonoscopy on Wednesday 12/17. I was nervous about my colonoscopy last year, but I don’t think I felt this deep pit in my stomach and this sudden rush of tears. My guess is that it is just too close to my surgery day 2 years ago, 12/18/23. Of course I have the usual colonoscopy prep dread, especially because I have not been officially instructed on what to do so that I don’t end up vomiting at 4am once again. I’m feeling pretty cavalier about the whole anesthesia this time. I even have the rest of the family scheduled to take William out for his Twenty-Sided Tavern event that evening.
As I looked through my calendar for reminders this week, and I saw “colonoscopy 12/17” there was this feeling of wanting to collapse and curl up into a ball. It’s not like it was a surprise. I’ve had it scheduled. I’ve reminded people that I won’t be available. However, that moment, seeing it on my reminders, hit me hard. Trauma is weird. I don’t really appreciate how it can sneak up on you. You think you’ve processed it and that you aren’t vulnerable anymore, and then it comes up and punches you in the gut. Dammit.
Well, I have my process mapped out to hopefully prevent the worst of the prep for me. I am going on a clear liquid diet starting Monday. Tuesday is my official prep day, so my theory is that I can take it slower and at a pace that doesn’t make my body want to explode out of all orifices since I won’t have as much to clear out for Wednesday. It’s the only thing this non-medical professional can think to do. I sure as heck don’t want to have to repeat a prep day, so here’s to hoping I run clear Wednesday morning.
Go get your colonoscopy! I promise it’s not bad for most people. I just have a messed up stomach that cannot hold as much liquid as the prep requires. Everyone else I know that has had one has no issues. Don’t delay, please!