I had to make my own plans as @cleverdevil is out of town and Colette had musical rehearsal. However, my trusty protest friend joined me. It is always so inspiring to be with people who share your passion and compassion. The horns were blaring. The chants were energizing. The signs were creative and cutting.
Even though I took a different approach to this protest, as I walked around more than standing on the curbside, I am completely moved. With indignation and bravery, I watched as a proud, compassionate mother and her son went to cover a hurtful and unnecessary sign. I was particularly proud of this kid keeping his arm raised for almost two hours in solidarity with and protectiveness of those the sign targeted.
While they ran cover, literally, I opened up a conversation with one of the “soldiers of God.” I inquired about his sign condemning specific people to hellfire. I asked him if he was guilty of any of the acts of disobedience that he condemns others for. He explained that when he overdosed he cried out to God and he was saved. He felt that he needed to be at this rally to convince others to repent for what he considers sins deserving of the wrath of God. I asked him if he felt shaming others was productive. I asked did shame work for him when he was in his pre-Christian life. He maintained that friends shamed him, and he found it helpful when he hit rock bottom and decided to call out to God. I am skeptical of that stance. I told him that I didn’t think he has hate in his heart, but I do think his desire to love others is misguided and actually doing more harm than good. When I asked about specific acts that he claims to be abominations, he said he hasn’t done those things in 8 years since he has been saved. These are things that every human being does whether with an unhindered conscience or with guilt and shame and fear of condemnation. It was sad to me that he lives in such denial so that he can feel loved by God.
As a deconstructed Christian, it broke my heart to see a person loving God out of fear. Pascal proposes The Wager, and sure that could be a wise decision. However, a life in fear of losing love for being human is not a life of joy in my experience. Sharing a message that you are not deserving of God’s love unless you deny who you are may convert some people, but is that a conviction of heart or a desire to be loved and saved from some proposed hellfire?
I can speak the language of these men. I know what they’ve been told. I used to say or think some of the same things, and I fear I made some people who really needed to feel loved sadly feel unloved by me despite my intentions being “pure.” I asked this man questions, and his training hadn’t taught him the “right” answers, because I knew the “right” answers. I didn’t call him on it. I just continued to ask him questions that may eventually have him open his mind.
One satisfying part of this conversation with this misguided man was his acknowledgment that he does struggle with whether he believes in the death penalty. He said this as he stood shoulder to shoulder with a fellow “soldier of God” who had a giant sign condemning specific populations to death. While one could be tempted to agree with this sign as it listed the horrific crimes of rape, murder, and pedophilia. (I don’t personally support the death penalty) This sign lumped in LGBTQ+ people with those other things. That hurt my heart. It hurt my heart for LGBTQ+ people, especially those to whom I am closest. Having a giant sign telling you that you deserve death and the same fate as the other “sinners” listed seems like the least productive way to move someone toward any religion.
My heart was full of pride and admiration as people followed these men around in order to cover their bigoted signs with their own signs of love, resistance to the wannabe king, and a call to protecting democracy. Seeing a community come together to fight injustice and protect marginalized people stirred emotions of connection. Advocacy can feel lonely sometimes. These No Kings protests may not have any direct effect on stopping the destruction of our democracy, but they do fill up people who have been working in their own ways in their communities. We can leave these protests feeling ready to fight on, to find different ways to resist, and to support those who most need us.
I feel like crying. It’s a cry of sadness for those who are blind to loving people the way they need to be loved. Mostly though, it’s a cry of feeling proud, connected, and inspired.
Go forth and love others.
