In the spirit of leaning into that post-cancer “carpe diem” mentality that I feel like I’ve been missing, I’ve been saying “yes” more than “no” lately. It tends to include clevercolette only bc she is the one that likes to venture out of the house.
Sometimes “carpe diem” kicks my butt though. I’m currently sitting in bed waiting for my psychiatry telehealth appt biding my time until I can take a nap.
Today we woke up early to go to a Conan Gray pop-up event called “Cafe Gray.” A 7am departure plus a 2 hour line ended up being worth it. Clevercolette and her bestie got to see Conan Gray perform a short, intimate set. They missed out on the autographs, but many people missed out on the set, so I think they got their core memory. If you haven’t listened to his music, I suggest you give it a try. Much of his music is about unrequited love and quite sentimental, and he will blow you away with his vocal range. There are some great 80s inspired tunes that may bring up some nostalgia and have you popping in your favorite audio cassette. Well, who are we kidding? You can just find it on your favorite streaming app. Check out Bourgeoisies and Lonely Dancer for that 80s throwback.
You know Debbie Downer has to enter the chat. We brought clevercolette’s rollator. We tend to share it when we are out together. Well, I definitely needed it. That damn neuropathy really puts a damper on things. It was also quite hot, and ever since chemo, I seem to have a bit of trouble regulating my temperature. I get very red in the face and I get that chills and clamminess in the heat feeling. While clevercolette waited in hopes of meeting Conan, I laid down on the stage with my feet propped up on the rollator. Thankfully she had something to lean on and a helpful Conan fan literally fanning her to keep her from fainting. The thing that is hardest to understand about neuropathy pain is that it is not a sharp pain. It is just a constant nagging that wears you down. You get moving, but after too much standing or walking your nerves are frayed. I often feel like curling up into a ball and crying, but I push through in situations like this. So yes, 15 more minutes until my brief psychiatry appointment, then I will pass out.
Overall, I’m glad I said yes. It was a sweet experience that I am happy to have been able to chaperone for my clevercolette.
While his songs aren’t about my experience, I like to pull lyrics that resonate and that I can apply to my very different path. So I leave you with Memories. (I relate this to my cancer journey, not a person)
“I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past ‘cause I’m traumatized”