So on Days 4 and 5, I can barely keep my eyes open. I can have a short conversation but my eyes will likely be closed. Most of the time I am just asleep. The next few days, I feel tired and close my eyes often, but I can’t get restful sleep. I’m stuck in this twilight type of sleep. Like last night I was sleeping but there was this running commentary like another person in my brain trying to go over all of the problems of the world and where I stood on them or how I had acted to help. An example that I can remember is that yesterday we found some clumps of dirt that maybe resembled some sort of insect nest? And my dream commentator was figuring out what it was and landed on that I had gone onto an app that helped me discover things harming the environment, so I had gone on a rampage to dig up certain plants to save and certain ones to ditch but I hadn’t cleaned it up. This “dream” continued but I shook myself awake to put a stop to it. I was saying to myself I have to make sure I know I didn’t do this. Obviously I hadn’t, I can barely make it from the bed in the back to the recliner up front. Anyway, it’s this commentary in my dreams about every little issue. I start to fall asleep and this commentary starts, so I shake my head and think, “no, I’m not dreaming about this. Dream of F1, puppies, cats. Not this stuff.” But that doesn’t seem to work. Btw, I am often drifting off to sleep Apple Music “Sleep Sounds,” which I thought might be protective but it is not.
In addition to these troubling dream commentaries, I’m also finding myself uncomfortable and awake enough to stretch as I “sleep.” I will be putting my legs on my knees to stretch my quads and hamstrings. Sometimes I move my leg to massage my calf with my knee. I do that when I’m awake as well, so it’s habit maybe? Either way, I’m obviously not sleeping well if I’m feeling the need to stretch while asleep.
Anyway this morning I am going to reach out to the doctor for a sleeping pill of some sort. And, I think I’ll switch the bulk of my social media intake to YouTube for a while. I’m still actively aware of the issues I see come up on my IG feed, and I have my ways to tap in, but I think my brain is taking on way too much right now. I need to rein it in as I get to this back half of chemo treatments. So, F1 videos, cat videos, and dog videos are my self-prescribed antidote. Feel free to send me links to happy or funny videos over the next few weeks! :)