I was thinking about what I would write about next on my blog. Something that would not be about Elvis or celebrities. I thought about what else I’ve found myself interested in lately: covid, US politics, climate crisis, body image…you know, all light-hearted stuff. Then I joked with myself about holding The First Ecumenical Council of Torrance in Lacey’s Mind 2023. Instead of that, I decided to play with The Apostle’s Creed. This is not a rejection of all that is proclaimed in the Apostle’s Creed that I have recited in church for 35+ years, though I’d definitely change some of the phrasing in its original form.

I believe in God, the divine almighty,
architect of the universe and all that is beyond.

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

who came to show us the way of love
To protect the oppressed.

To bring peace among people,

And to remind us that we are all connected;

He was persecuted,

Because he spoke truth to power.

And thus threatened their reign.

In his example we must remember to honor all humans.

For we are all precious, worthy, and deserving of love.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

that lives within everyone,

Pushing us toward love,
Compassion and peace;

The divine sacrifice for us all,

and the life everlasting. Amen.

Over the past few years, the beliefs that I held early in life have been challenged. I held fairly conservative Christian beliefs and got uneasy if I questioned them or deviated from them. There was a slow evolution of my beliefs throughout my twenties to becoming more open-minded to various beliefs of different churches and some other religions. When we moved to LA, I sought community in church, but was unable to find it. It’s not the fault of the church; I had trouble finding community anywhere. Unable to find a church that aligned with my now more liberal Christian views, I was left to struggle with my questions and doubts on my own.

Beginning in 2019, I fell into a bit of an existential crisis. I learned a lot about various political and cultural influences on the Christian church, which made me want to reject it all together. However, being a Christian has been part of my identity for so long that there was no leaving it behind. I sought authors and leaders to help me reconcile my doubts and beliefs. Sarah Bessey, Rachel Held Evans (God rest her soul), Bishop Michael Curry, Lisa Sharon Harper, Desmond Tutu, and Dalai Lama all supported me in my exploration—obviously through their books, articles, and podcasts, I don’t actually know them. Lisa Sharon Harper’s book The Very Good Gospel spoke to me in a way that met me where I was. I need to refer back to it as I’ve gathered much more information since then, but I am confident that it will still resonate.

I haven’t rejected my Christian beliefs, but they have definitely shifted. It’s actually hard for me to announce my identity as a Christian currently because it brings with it an image that I fully repudiate. It may be easy to say, “well those aren’t real Christians, or that’s not what Christianity is about,” but when you look at the history of Christian movements, you have to go pretty far back for it to be about something different. Rather than renouncing hierarchy and oppression, as Jesus did, Christians have a troubled history of embracing hierarchy that puts them in power and pursuing the violence that comes with that, and sadly, it continues today.

Where does that leave me now? Still learning. Still searching. Still believing. Still changing.

Here is an Amazon List of some of the books I have read on my journey If I had to tell you one to read first, it would be The Very Good Gospel