Before bed tonight during our pillow talk, Colette and I discussed putting William’s crib in her room. She loves the idea and asked if she could sleep in it. I said sure until William comes. Then she asked if I would sleep in it… I said, “no, I’m too big. I don’t fit.” And the following proceeded: C:but when you get smaller and smaller, you can fit, and I can hold you. Me: mommy is done getting smaller. I’m just getting bigger and bigger now. Just like you. You’re getting bigger and stronger everyday. C: I’m not bigger and stronger yet. Me: Well, you are bigger and stronger. You’re just not a grown up or mommy like me yet. You’re my little girl now, not a baby. C: I want to get smaller and smaller. Me: Well, you’ll just get bigger and be a big girl one day like mommy. Baby time is over. C in her sad voice: I don’t want baby time to be over!!! Me: you’ll always be my precious little girl. C: I don’t want to be a little girl! Me: do you want to be my baby girl? C: yesssss. Me: ok, you can be my baby girl. But one day you’ll be so big I can’t carry you anymore. But I can always cuddle you and hug you and kiss you. Like I am too big for Mimi to carry, but we can still have hugs and kisses and cuddles. C: you can hold me? Me: well, I can cuddle you. And one day you’ll have your own babies to hold. Do you want to grow up and be a mommy one day? C: yeah and hold my babies and hold you. And you will be my mommy. And I will be your mommy. Me: I will be your mommy and your babies grandmommy like Gigi and Mimi for you. C: Daddy was a little baby? Me: yep and Gigi used to carry him too. C: Gigi and papa? Me: yep. C turning over to Jonathan: you were a little baby? J: yeah. C: now you bigger and bigger? J: yeah, and William will be a little baby.
The conversation turned at this point. But it’s hard to see my Baby Girl trying to understand getting bigger every day and not being a “baby.”
I struggle with that all the time as well. I love her tons and love the age she is and all the amazing things she’s learning on an hourly basis, but my mind fast forwards, and I see her in kindergarten, high school, college, getting married…and that is just too much for me! Of course I want her to grow up and be happy and be a woman after God’s heart, but selfish me, just wants my baby girl!
Lord, help me remember that Colette is a gift from You.. A gift to be shared with the world and not mine to be hoarded. Amen.