In the thick

We’re into week 3 of two kids, but the first week doesn’t count due to the extenuating circumstances of juggling home and the NICU. So far my conclusion is: I love them both beyond words, but does love really conquer all??!!

Colette is doing really well considering her world just got turned upside down, but that doesn’t meant every moment is sugary and fluffy. There’s jealousy and excitement and other emotions that she doesn’t know exactly how to express. She has a slew of new rules about how to interact with William and when she can climb on Mommy.

My mantra has to be give her grace. It’s tough in the heat of disobedience or frustration but as soon as I see the confusion on her face, I melt.

One of the things I have to remember is that she misses me as much as I miss her. I miss our “mommy and Colette” time, and that didn’t just get limited 3 weeks ago, it’s been since I was on bed rest. I may seem preoccupied with her brother, and I am. I adore him, but that doesn’t make me miss my special time with her any less. I just want to have a good long snuggle with her and to hold her like my baby girl.

I know this will get easier. Once William has more of a routine, once I quit getting clogged ducts, once I can go a whole 4 hrs without feeling like I’m goin to pass out, this will all be a bit more manageable. However, right now, I feel like I’ve failed to get a handle on something that every other mother of two seems to do so easily. And this is where I need to give myself grace too. But, that doesn’t come quite as easy as giving grace to my angel girl through the transition.

I don’t know how in the world I would be getting through these first weeks without Jonathan. And honestly I don’t know how in the world I’m going to get through the next few weeks when he returns to work. But there comes a time when you have to sink or swim. And as much as I have the drive to swim, I think I’ll just be treading water for awhile.

Meanwhile I will be pouring and praying over this verse: Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:4-9 ESV)